Archive for the ‘Conversation’ Category

Questions to Ask at Speed Dating Events

Wednesday, May 27th, 2009

“The wise man doesn’t give the right answers, he poses the right questions”.

Claude Levi-Strauss

When thinking of what questions to ask at speed dating events you want to come across as interesting and interested.

To be interesting prepare your sound bites (good stock answers to standards) and prepare your questions (and good answers to your own questions!).

To be interested you need to

  • 1. Ask her good questions,
  • 2. Listen to her replies, and
  • 3. Ask follow up questions!!!

Poor Questions to Ask at Speed Dating Events

The same things get asked all the time

     *     What do you do?

     *     Where do you go?

     *     What do you like?

You need to be original and use your time carefully. Three minutes may not seem long but its awkward having nothing to say and lots of embarrassing silences.

Take responsibility to fill the time but let her ask some questions otherwise it becomes a job interview!!

Finally mix your questions up otherwise you repeat yourself with each woman and become stale - your very own Groundhog Day! Keep it fresh.

The problem with questions like:

     *     Where do you live?

     *     What is your job?

     *     Where have you been?

     *     Do you like travelling?

 is that she might think of them negatively - she might hate her work! Ask them aspirationally and then lead in to what she does now:

     *     Where would you like to live?

     *     What is your dream job?

     *     If you could live anywhere in the world where would that be?

     *     If you could do anything anywhere for two weeks what would you choose?

Stay off heavy subjects no matter how interested you are - this knocks out religion, politics, politicians, the state of the country today and education.

Good Questions to Ask at Speed Dating Events

The event itself:

     *     How did you hear about this event?

     *     What made you try speed dating?

     *     Have you noticed how most women at this event are much more attractive and interesting than most of the men? Why do you think that is?

     *     What’s the best question you’ve been asked today?

Hobbies and interests:

     *     What did you do last weekend?

     *     Do you have pets?

     *     What do you do for fun?

     *     What book are you reading?

     *     What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

     *     What kind of movies do you like? Why?

     *     What is your favourite film/actor/actress ever? Why?

     *     What is your favourite TV programme/CD?

     *     What’s the most adventurous/irresponsible thing you’ve ever done?

     *     What would be your ideal holiday destination?

     *     What makes you laugh?

 Food and drink:

     *     What did you have for breakfast?

     *     What is your favourite sandwich?

     *     If you have friends over for supper what would you cook?

     *     What is your favourite takeaway meal?

About her:

     *     Where were you born?

     *     What did you want to be when you were little?

     *     What’s your best joke?

     *     What makes you happy?

     *     What are the most important things you’re looking for in a man?

     *     What is the best chat up line you’ve heard?

     *     What is the worst chat up line you have heard?

One excellent tip - use her name. It will probably be written on her badge so use it. Top three tips - use it, use it and use it!

Finally try to make her laugh. Women rank a good sense of humour as one of the most important attributes you can have. If you aren’t good at making things up on the spur of the moment think about some humorous replies to stock questions, test them by trying them and keep using the good ones. Feedback and learn!!

Most importantly have fun - that will make you much more attractive than whatever questions you ask!

 ”Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple”.

Dr. Seuss

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Conversation

Monday, January 12th, 2009

 

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They are either speaking or preparing to speak”

Steven Covey

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Conversation - The Number One Skill

When asked what the number one tip for being successful with women, without hesitation I can say it is to master the art of conversation.

This does not involve improving your talking skills. Instead it involves listening, really listening. Not that mildly interested one-ear listening you do when you are trying to read the newspaper when someone is trying to talk to you, It also involves asking questions about what you hear.

One of our greatest desires is to be listened to and to be understood. Of the four skills of communication you use - speaking, listening, reading and writing - listening is the first learned, the most used and yet is the least taught. Like any other skill it can be learned, practiced and mastered. People, and women feel this more than men, are starved of appreciation and recognition. They want to be heard, so impress them - be quiet.

On the other hand being quiet does not make good listening. You must give feedback. The goal is to give the speaker the feeling of having been heard and that is a two-way process. As Ralph Waldo Emerson says “The only way to have a friend is to be a friend”.

Conversation Step 1 - Listening

When she is listened to intently, she feels important. Women want to be admired and listened to. They love to hear compliments and a few minutes of good conversation.  The more listening you do the more you will be liked. In addition when you listen the more you learn.

Most men she comes across are not interested in listening.

She will judge you based on how you make her feel. Simply put, if you make her feel good, she will look forward to being in your company.

Remembering what she has said is the ultimate proof that you are listening. Remembering impresses as most men she comes across have trouble remembering her name.

Next, don’t interrupt or change the subject she is talking about. Both these things indicate you aren’t listening but are reacting to your own thoughts. In order to interrupt you need to have been thinking about what you were going to say.

Focus on what she is saying, not what you think she is saying or, even worse, what you want her to be saying!

Learn how to listen!

Conversation Step 2 - Ask Questions

If you ask a question during a conversation with a woman not only do you let her know you are listening but it is also a subtle form of flattery as it shows her that you think she is interesting.

Successfully starting a conversation is remarkably easy, simply ask an open-ended question, listen to the answer and ask a related question. The real secret is to remember that a conversation is like a journey so before setting out prepare what to talk about. You wouldn’t start on a trip without planning it.

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Your Goal

Improve your conversational skills.

The Plan  

Become aware of how much you talk and how much you listen during conversations. Focus on the words people use and the meanings they attach to them. Practice focusing on people as they talk looking for particular words they use. Debrief your own conversations to reinforce good habits and eliminate bad ones. Prepare topics for conversations. Observe and copy good interviewers. Notice how they put people at ease, listening and prompting.

 

Article First Published on EzineArticles Dating Conversations

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