“Confidence is a habit that can be developed by acting as if you already had the confidence you desire to have.”
Brian Tracy
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Why Is Confidence Important?
Confidence is very attractive, probably the number one attraction for a woman. She dreams of a strong, capable and independent partner and men like that demonstrate confidence in spades. Women will look at a confident man and believe he
· Has ambition and vitality - he can drive a woman on
· Is able to make good decisions - he chose you!
· Is in control of his destiny, future, life and career.
· Is sure of himself and his abilities - he does not fear to try
Confidence comes from certainty, certainty that you can cope. If you know you can deal with whatever life throws at you, you will be and act confidently. However always be aware, confidence is in the eye of the beholder and the other side of confidence can be misconstrued as arrogance so it is a fine line you need to tread.
Confidence is not about looks, it comes from inside. It comes from having self-respect and self-understanding, having the self awareness to make the most of what you have. When you are looking to appear confident, you are selling yourself.
If you have ever felt awkward and didn’t know what to say when talking to a woman, walked into a party and wanted to walk straight out or wanted to walk up and talk to someone you fancy but ended up by either not trying or looking like an idiot then you are not alone. The important thing to remember is that everyone has had these sorts of experiences. Confidence is about self-belief and this is a skill you can learn.
Fear - The Biggest Turn-Off
Fear is an extremely powerful emotion and conquering it will give you massive amounts of confidence.
Fear is not attractive. It indicates you don’t know your own value, you have low self worth and it clouds your judgement. The fear of rejection can stop you functioning. This can include your movement and speech, so you don’t look relaxed.
Fear is a major turn off. Women can smell fear. She will feel it which makes rejection more likely which is why you are afraid! It’s a vicious circle which you have to break before you can be successful. Fear causes you not to approach her or you take so long the moment is past. You must deal with it now!
So how can you overcome fear, any fear? The answer is one you and I have done many times before. The secret is to simply face the fear and then it goes away. Start slow and take small steps. It’s always easier to kill a monster when it’s small.
Make it easy on yourself and get help in overcoming what you are afraid of.
Rejection - The Test
Rejection is one of life’s greatest fears and can do great damage. It makes you feel small, worthless and insecure, causing a massive loss of self-confidence and instilling feelings of hurt. Rejection hurts. You want to be loved and popular
What you have to realise is that her saying “no” is part of the game. Women are willing and able to make the first move but the initial approach is a test. She knows fear will make you fail and, as discussed above, she is not interested in a man with fear. Realise it’s a numbers game. Rejection is just a natural part of the dating game.
However while accepting rejection is part of the game, you never have to like it. So what are you to do? The answer is to improve the odds. Combine increased confidence with being more careful about who you approach. Work out which women are open to being approached by you. Women are often only being friendly not initiating an approach. If there is no invite then rejection is inevitable. You need to be able to read the woman you are talking to. Improve your odds by reading these messages using body language.
Developing Confidence with Women
As with all the best ideas, the approach to building confidence is simple. The basic principle is to start small and build up slowly. Baby step your way to success!
Relax
The first action you can take when you need to be confident is to relax and the most important component is to breathe properly. Learn how to relax.
Eye Contact
There is no better indicator of a person with confidence than someone who makes eye contact with the people they come into contact with. Hence if you want to look confident, you have to be comfortable at making eye contact. This is an essential skill to develop.
Chatting
To become confident with women you have to be comfortable chatting to them. You have to start small and build up. Develop a chatting strategy. Make it easy!
Using Feedback
If you keep getting rejected look at the approach you are taking, take the feedback and adjust what you do. If it doesn’t work out as you hoped, try something different.
Acting with Confidence
The number one way to get confidence is to simply act as though you are confident. Within a very short period of time, you will begin to feel remarkably confident.
So how do you act in a confident manner? You need to practice, prepare and in general improve your knowledge and experience.
You form an impression of the people you meet from what you first see. It’s said over 80% of the initial impression you give comes from your body language, which might be your posture, your facial expression, your eye contact or your gestures. All these things speak so loudly about you. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said “Your actions speak so loudly. I cannot hear what you are saying”.
So:
· Smile - It makes you look open, friendly and confident no matter how you feel.
· Maintain eye contact - Little eye contact communicates shyness or a lack of interest.
· Control your gesture - Too many physical gestures make you look nervous.
· Control your posture - Face people when talking with them, stand upright and lean in.
This is a two way relationship. If you feel confident and resourceful any challenge will be met with positive and confident thoughts. To control your emotions challenge your thoughts. To be confident, think confident.
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“When you believe you can - you can!”
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Your Goal
To feel and look confident in social situations
The Plan
Take positive steps to improve your confidence by recalling past experiences and desensitise your fear of social interactions. Understand fear is a choice. Anchor confident feelings. Maintain a contact diary to monitor and control your progress.
Article First Published on EzineArticles Dating Confidence - The Key to Dating Mastery
